Blog Template Theology of the Body: Edifice Complexes...

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Edifice Complexes...

How much does it cost one to get something as ugly and unsatisfying as this built?

What's that you say? $190 million dollars?

Well, alright. It seems pricey, but when you want to play with the big boys, you gotta pay up. We simply cannot be outdone by those fine people in L.A. with their neo-marxist construction. We simply must have one of those enormous square altars. We simply must have

You do realize this means you're going to have to cut programming don't you?

Yes, yes, cut away. Inspiring the people is more important than saving their souls.

Ok, then, we're a go - what do you think we should put on the front?

We need something that screams Roman Catholicism - maybe we should think about putting in a cross or a crucifix, but let's wait on that decision - maybe there is a more fitting symbol. I mean, the whole thing IS in the shape of a fish. Can I get more creation motifs?

Oh absolutely, Your Eminence! I mean, they did go out in the mid-80s, but I know you like creation motifs, so creation motifs you shall have.

Excellent! What about our plans to make it irrevocably attached to modernist deconstructionist liturgical styles?

Well, I'm glad you asked! The altar weighs 16 tons, so it can't be moved without tearing a hole in the ceiling. So does the font, so no worries! The cathedral clergy will be stuck with cassock-albs and broadstoles into eternity!

Oh, this is exciting. What about the chapels?

Well, this is best part of all - we have constructed several renderings of concrete rooms - we're calling them "devotional areas." They'll contain all sorts of items meant to dull spiritual senses. You know - the old standards - corpuses without crosses, anthropocentric statuary (but nothing too realistic, mind you!), oh - and we're putting in a reconciliation room - just as you asked!

These concepts are delightful and inspiring!

Well, we're glad you like them.

Oh, I do! Spare no expense, my good men, spare no expense!

Read at your own risk.

HT: Father Tim Matkin.